A slightly different path to inner realisation

My spiritual journey started in my thirties after physical and mental health issues. At that time, I was confused. I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong anymore. What was the truth, what was a lie.

My journey led to the shamanic way, and I took the first step into the spiritual world full of doubts and questions. Full of fear, I jumped into a totally new world. It’s been a journey to my inner self.

The more I get to know myself (this process is far from over), the more I become free and the stronger the connection to the spiritual world becomes, the clearer I see the truth. I learned to trust myself and my inner guidance and so it led me to the journey to myself in the form of a shamanic vision quest I want to tell you about.

Vision quest is a very ancient shamanic method to achieve enlightenment. It was also used as an initiation ceremony.

If someone told me a few years ago: “Go into the forest for three days without food, alone and don’t move!” I would have thought this person was crazy! My fears wouldn’t have allowed me to stay alone in the woods, but it was time to leave my comfort zone and I was looking forward to the adventure.

Half a year before the vision quest, I started my preparations. I adjusted my diet and started a detox program. I looked into my inner processes, my issues, feelings and fears. I meditated and mentally prepared myself for the stay in the forest.

Finally – it was time! I packed my tent, twenty litres of water, a sleeping bag, my shamanic dragon bag, a diary, a toothbrush, a camping mat and off I went into the forest. Tree days without food inside a 6 m circle I wasn’t allowed to leave (except for when going to the wilderness toilete) and dark woods awaited me.

The first evening was peaceful, I felt safe, and enjoyed the seclusion and the sounds of the forest. The first whole day was uneventful, and I was a bit restless because nothing happened. Absolutely nothing! The only thing I noticed was that a few meters up the hill to my place the sun was shining, and I was sitting in the cold and damp darkness. I asked myself: “Why do you sit here and don’t move to the sunny place?” Was I willing to overcome my inner boundaries, to let down my perfectionism and move to another place, although it wasn’t allowed? I was expecting something more than these questions that did not seem important to me at that moment. No spirit, God or angel appeared, no Merlin with his magic wand turned up to initiated me into the secrets of life. No enlightenment, no vision or hallucination. What a disappointment!

“Hm… you still have two days!” I thought and racked my brain about what kind of shamanic herb would bring visions, what I would cook after my return to home (these thoughts weren’t really helpful at that moment) and if I should move my tent to the sunny place or not. I stayed at the dark, damp and cold place and went to sleep supposedly without having achieved anything. The second night was as peaceful as the first.

Well… and then! It’s hard to describe and difficult to find words for what happened after I woke up after the second night. When I woke up very early in the morning, I realised that I had probably slept in a tick nest. The first thing I did in the early morning was to free myself from seven bloodthirsty monsters. These little vampires made me to leave my circle and go to the sunny place. I sat on a small rock and went through an intense transformation process that lasted for hours and ended in tears of joy, warmth, light and sun. I traveled through my life and was allowed to discover old traumas and issues to finally release and celebrate the transformation. I was only a few meters apart from the sun, only a few meters between darkness and sunshine and yet for me it was the beginning of something completely new and great.

These hours on top of the small rock brought me finally back to the beginning of my spiritual journey. The first message I got from the other world was: “Be yourself”. I didn’t understand at first and got angry because of the encrypted message. But at this moment in the woods on top of a small rock and after so many years I understood. I am allowed to be the sensitive and delicate person I am. I don’t have to play roles or wear masks. I am allowed to show feelings, to be angry, sad or happy. I am allowed to laugh and cry. I am allowed to show myself and let my light shine. The time of suffering and pain is finally over. Now it’s time to give my hand to others, to guide them - if they are willing - to their own light, their own sunny place and freedom.

One more thing! Even little, black, supposedly evil vampires have their own place in our world. They are helpful to free oneself from fears and see the sun. 3 days after my vision quest, I removed the last of 19 ticks from my body. Some time later I read Christiane Beerlandt's book "Encyclopaedia of Psychosomatics" and learnt the following about tick bites:

Zitat aus dem Buch Christiane Beerlandt „Der Schlüssel zur Selbstbefreiung – Enzyklopädie der Psychosomatik“.

"...You keep calm, hold your breath, stay in one position. You hardly dare to move/be as you are. You finally force yourself into a narrow framework; you are not allowed to be free of your own accord; you want to cling to something or remain in a certain position because otherwise you would no longer feel safe... You do not allow yourself to "be". You rely on imposed obligations and systems and don't really openly admit to yourself who YOU actually are now... So free yourself from this restrictive position now: Become yourself!..."

And so the circle closes. My enlightenment could not have been better summarised.

My vision quest was finished at the second day and also my first long journey to my inner self. I found what I was searching for.

I have come a long way towards my inner wisdom, my spark, my light and, above all, my health! Everything is interconnected and every living being on this earth deserves appreciation and respect, because everything is ensouled. When we finally become aware of this, everything is so much simpler and more beautiful.

Another thing I was allowed to discover was a new kind of music and singing. I was shown by the spiritual world that, because of my sensitivity, I have the gift to feel emotions, feelings and energies of people and places, sing their songs and help to heal old wounds. Music is an expression of the soul and was given to us to express ourselves, but also as an important healing tool.

The biggest hindrance to truth and freedom is fear. It prevents us from questioning, and it does not allow us to see the truth.

I would like to encourage everyone to look fear in the face, give it a name and thus take away its power. As soon as we take off our masks and stop playing imposed roles, we become more and more who we really are. Everything in our lives can be changed. We have the choice of which path we take and how we shape our future. We do not have to surrender to illness or external circumstances. The truth and the divine spark is within us.

As I write these lines I am already on the next journey. Where this journey leads me to is still hidden behind vails, but I am brave and looking forward to everything that’s to come

Would you also like to gain inner realisation? I would be happy to help you prepare for your own personal vision quest.