In 2021, I was allowed to walk my own personal path through the dark night of the soul and be reborn. It was a year full of darkness, heartache and hopelessness. An extremely important experience that I would like to share with you today, 3 years later, and encourage you. A journey through the dark night of the soul is labelled as depression because of the similarity in symptoms, but it is not actually depression. In this article I would like to explain it to you:
- what exactly is the dark night of the soul
- the difference between the dark night of the soul and depression
- my very personal experiences of the trip
- my rebirth
If you also find yourself in the dark night of the soul, don't be discouraged. It is an important transformational step for your future spiritual and earthly life.
What does ‘The Dark Night of the Soul’ mean?
The dark night of the soul refers to a period of intense inner challenges, transformation and spiritual awakening. The term ‘dark night of the soul’ goes back to the Spanish mystic St John of the Cross, who was imprisoned at the instigation of his order and was only able to escape after almost a year. He wrote in various manuscripts about his very own journey through the dark night of the soul.
During his imprisonment, in which he spoke to no one, sat in complete darkness and was not allowed to change his clothes, he experienced the presence of God and managed to escape.
Symptoms
- collapse of one's own reality in relation to the meaning of life.
- a deep feeling of insignificance
- hopelessness and the feeling of being lost
- nothing makes sense anymore
- lack of understanding in relation to life, work, relationships, etc.
- nothing is important any more and everything loses significance
What can trigger the dark night of the soul?
The dark night can be triggered by external circumstances, such as
- the death of someone close
- loss of the job
- termination of a long-term relationship
- health problems
- the life you have built and imagined is collapsing
It can also be triggered when something happens that you cannot explain. A catastrophe that seems to invalidate the meaning your life had before.
2 Phases of the dark night of the soul according to St John of the Cross
The dark night of the senses
- feeling of spiritual emptiness
- separation from myself, from life, from the higher self and the divine connection
- State of confusion, all convictions are put to the test
- feeling of abandonment, loneliness, being cut off from life
- lack of motivation and enthusiasm
- a feeling that life challenges and tests you
St John of the Cross describes this phase as a condition for spiritual growth. It helps to let go of the old and free oneself from thought constructs and beliefs.
The dark night of the spirit
- intensive spiritual transformation
- confronting inner fears, doubts and attachments
- a new view of oneself, all parts of oneself are seen, the light and the darkness
This phase is also known as the death of the ego.
For St John of the Cross, this phase is important for spiritual growth. It helps to build a new relationship with yourself and your environment.
This phase can also be described as a spiritual awakening for people who have not yet labelled themselves as spiritual or have not yet engaged with spirituality.
Challenges during the dark night of the spirit:
- struggling with intense emotions and psychological pain
- Feeling of losing yourself and your own identity
- questioning one's own values, realities and beliefs
- the feeling of detachment from the self, from others and from life
Dark night of the soul versus depression
As a 20 year old, I went through a severe depression that was very different from my journey through the dark night of the soul 3 years ago. Here I would like to share my personal experiences and my research on the differences.
Depression
- is a gradual process
- mostly in connection with physical complaints
- mood disorder characterised by a recurring feeling of sadness and disinterest
Dark night of the soul
- comes suddenly and unexpectedly
- psychological, emotional and mental ‘pain’
- spiritual despair, detachment and emptiness
- painful elimination of a former life construct
My personal journey through the dark night of the soul
The dark night of the senses
I actually entered the first phase overnight from 31.12.2020 to 01.01.2021. It felt like a switch had been flipped in my system.
The trigger for me was probably the coronavirus year 2020. I was deeply shocked by what people do to each other out of fear, how families, friendships and relationships were broken and how old people had to die alone in isolation and without care.
I woke up on 1 January 2021 with the question of the meaning of life and a deep world-weariness. I felt lost and asked myself the question:"What am I doing here?" "What is all this good for?"
I could no longer feel any connection to myself, to the universe and to my surroundings. I felt abandoned, empty and helpless.
I could no longer get out of bed, I could no longer do my work, I could no longer cook anything and I could no longer talk to anyone or chat via e-mail or chat. I had phases where my husband had to pick me up from the bathroom floor and carry me to bed, where I remained paralysed in the same position for hours.
Any attention from outside was repugnant to me and I didn't feel I belonged in this world. I wanted nothing to do with this inhuman world.
I questioned myself, my actions, my being here.
The dark night of the spirit
Entering the second phase was characterised by unspeakable heartache. A deep feeling of homesickness and the loss of something deeply loved. Even before my dark night, I kept having visions in meditations and dreams of a wonderful place that I could describe in detail. The visions intensified and the place was also shown to me again and again with images from outside, e.g. in a pack of cards or an online message.
I wanted to dissolve and become stardust, I prayed every day not to have to wake up again. I wanted to go to my beloved place full of love and freedom.
The heartache was followed by reincarnation experiences such as I had never experienced before. This was followed by emotional pain, the feeling of being lost and a complete loss of control.
I travelled through different lives, dissolving old connections, beliefs and thought constructs. I travelled into the darkest depths of myself and was confronted with my fears, hurts, life constructs and longings.
Confrontation with death
I have encountered death 3 times in my life. The first time as a young woman during depression, the second time during my shamanic training and the third time during the dark night of the soul. This confrontation was the most important and decisive in this process. I was able to let go of many of the fears that had paralysed me for decades once and for all. This included the fear of death.
Transformation
Freed from old burdens, fears, beliefs and life constructs, a certain serenity and healing set in. All the ‘must’ had dissolved. It was about ‘being’. All the obligations I had imposed on myself dissolved into nothingness. It was the hour of rebirth.
A dear friend has it compared with ‘The adventures of the strong Vanya’ who takes seven sacks of sunflower seeds and seven sheepskins with him to the oven, where he is to spend seven years without speaking a word. This is his first test before he has to face further dangerous adventures.
So I lay on the couch eating sunflower seeds (in my case) and waited for rebirth and new adventures.
Rebirth
The intensive process took 1 year. I spent most of that time in bed or on the couch.
I was reborn as a Maria who has found a new connection to herself, to the universe and to her surroundings. A Maria who is aware and clear about her purpose, her task and her meaning of life on earth. I was reborn as Maria The Voice.
New adventures
A connection to China became apparent in my reincarnation experiences. Chinese music was suddenly suggested to me on the internet. I resonated with the music and the language. Following an impulse, I began to learn the Chinese language. I now had something that brought me joy and helped me overcome my psychological pain. The music helped me to heal old wounds and I also began to sing again and raise my voice.
A lot has come together in the last 3 years, a few life decisions had to be made and new paths had to be taken.
Learning the Chinese language has opened up completely new doors to opportunities and, above all, wonderful people. People who continue to accompany me in my spiritual growth and people who allow me to see the world with completely new eyes.
I have immersed myself in other ancient teachings such as Daoism, Qi Gong and meditation teachings. All of this serves my further spiritual growth and my calling to accompany people on their spiritual path.
My conclusion
2021 was a deeply painful year for me, but one that I would not want to have missed. Through this experience, I got to know myself and the meaning of spirituality in a whole new way.
If you are also in this process, don't despair! Something wonderful is waiting for you!
Wenn Du Begleitung durch die dunkle Nacht der Seele benötigst, melde Dich gerne bei mir!
Schreibe mir eine Nachricht unter: https://maria-die-stimme.com/kontakt/
Source: Wikipedia; Johannes vom Kreuz
Das ist genau was mir passiert ist von Fragen zu stellen bis der Kontakt zu Familie und Freunde abgebrochen. Vielen Dank das Sie ihr Leben und Gefühle mieten uns teile.